Jokes

PUNISH

A student is talking to his teacher.

Student: “Would you punish me for something I didn`t do?”

Teacher: ” Of course not.”

Student: “Good, because I haven’t done my homework.”



RANDY WAS BEING MUGGED

Randy was being mugged by two thugs put up a tremendous fight! Finally, the thugs subdued him and took his wallet.

Upon finding only two dollars in the wallet, the surprised thug said “Why did you put up such a fight?”

To which Randy promptly replied “I was afraid that you would find the $200 hidden in my shoe!”


DARLING

A man was invited for dinner at a friend’s house. Every time the host needed something, he preceded his request to his wife by calling her “My Love”, “Darling”, “Sweetheart”, etc., etc. His friend looked at him and said, “That’s really nice after all of these years you’ve been married to keep saying those little pet names.” The host said, “Well, honestly, I’ve forgotten her name.”



OLD COUPLE

An 80 year old couple have been married for nearly 60 years and the husband has become Ill, so the wife takes him to the emergency room.

The doctor does a preliminary exam and tells the man that he needs to get a blood sample, a urine sample and a stool sample for more tests.

The man doesn’t hear very well so he looks up and asks his wife what the Doctor said.

“William, relax, the Doctor just says he wants to borrow your underpants for a few minutes.”




EXPECTING A BABY
For weeks a 6-year old Little Kevin kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.

One day the mother allowed Little Kevin to feel the movements of the unborn child.

Little Kevin was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.

The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, “Kevin, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?”

Little Kevin burst into tears and confessed, “I think Mommy ate it!”




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